Boundaries and trauma

I spent a long time in my practice in the late night and early morning focussed on this subject. As always, I sit with it and things start to unfold that I remember seeing and feeling, along with the many mistakes that I never learnt or understood about it. I think its partially as we talk about trauma over and over that it connects us to other human being we share with.

I thought it was a profound thing, but then I realised it was just trauma bonding and that in itself encourages the trauma to remain. Now, after getting some time and separation from my own trauma I realise this and the need to establish boundaries. I grimace, because this could’ve saved me many a bad relationship and avoided many pitfalls that I regret.

Boundaries are hard to establish for many, especially as in my growth they are walked through quickly without respect given towards them. For me, I was a people pleaser. That meant I would give, then give and give some more until I got where I wanted at my own personal cost.

Through experience, I learnt to carefully curate and be aware of my boundaries. Ask all the big question of why I have them, who I can talk to about them and who doesn’t have access to that information. I even think about them at the end of each year and see if adjustment is needed (I save this for the most important and delicate boundaries)

More or less, its something I’m still getting used to and reminding myself its absolutely okay to do. I say this especially to all the marginalised genders as often there is pressure for us to break out boundaries first.

Aquila Hope is a holistic coach, black trans activist, speaker, podcaster and songwriter. They’re found through Instagram, Twitter, Medium and their own website. Their podcast ‘Grasp At The Root’ can be found on Anchor, Spotify, Google Podcast, Apple Podcasts or wherever podcasts are distributed. Aquila lives on the outskirts of Birmingham, enjoys expressionist art, video games, strong coffee and a well made pizza