Four uncomfortable truths
Now and again while I’m listening to a podcast, something enters my ears and make me think and challenges me a lot, but sits on my consciousness and keeps on poking me until I put it into action. So today, I’m going to get real with you. No, not fake real or well cultivated real but the actual real thing.
- I haven’t spoken to my family for nearly a year.
Yes, not even my mum. After getting married and then divorced, I noticed a difference in how I related to my family. I don’t know if its just me or growing older but especially since I came out as trans, I feel really disconnected from them. Part of who I was still hangs around my mum’s flat and makes me feel very uncomfortable. Old photos, clothing, dead-names and even the smell of where my immediate family lives. Its all very uncomfortable, even traumatic for me. I know I need to do something soon, but it scares me deeply.
2. I regret not saying goodbye to a friend who passed away.
Due to a massive mistake in hindsight, I never got a chance to properly talk to a friend who passed away soon after. I just ignored her mostly, because I thought they were being really co-dependant. I still think of her a lot, especially when I have down periods of time and reach those level of putting myself down. Its one of my few ‘time travel’ wishes where I could at the very least spend some more time with her.
3. I have debt.
Not the most massive amount of debt, but enough to want to get rid of it. Made some horrible business mistakes and took too many risks before my breakdown happened. I bit off more than I could chew and I’m still dealing with it to this day. Do I want to get rid of it? I sure do, but I have to get my fledging business up to speed to start chipping away at it. I’m just about getting by at the moment, where I want to be thriving very soon.
4. I have a bad relationship with food.
This is the most difficult one to type for me, because we all need food in one aspect or another. Its more I’ve used it as comfort food especially during the worst of days. I’m making steps towards being better with it (exercise and tracking what I eat) but like my depression it can come in waves, so I’m in the process but I’m still working on finding a healthy balance and not binge eating.
OK, so why am I sharing this?
Largely to take you behind the curtain and make you the reader realise I’m human. I have advice and moments of genius, but I also have flaws and things I’m not proud of too. Being a holistic coach means I’m working on those things a lot more so I can pass the lessons learnt onto clients. However, we are all works in progress, all trying to straighten things out trying to grow.
So don’t be down about the uncomfortable, we all have shit to deal with. What’s important is what we do next.
Until next time folks, #embraceinfinity
