Personae
Today, I’m going to take you deep into my inner world. Why? Maybe its because I’m trying to show you something about my own journey with trauma and how I’ve come to a place of managing it. Please note: I am NOT discussing multiple personality disorder (DID) Its a very complex disorder that can appear under trauma but is entirely different. Also these are just my own experiences also. So, let get started.
I have gone through therapy (mostly talk based therapy) for my various mental health issues (depression, anxiety and PTSD) in two rounds. Its been three months since I had my last session and I was shown a few things, especially what I’ve learnt as well since then also. I decided to finish off my day instead of watching Netflix but journalling with some music in the background after getting triggered by something. Please note: when I use the word triggered I mean it in the truest sense. Not offended, not insulted, not something that just irritates you but literally transports you back to traumatic events and puts you in the same emotional state.
While I was meditating and trying to navigate, I remembered a technique I learnt. I focused and imagined a person (later I learned a personae of many) for where such trauma started. I started to journal with this in mind and I re-discovered four personae: The Newborn, The Teen, The Savage and The Cold One.
The Newborn sees the world full of wonder, intrigue and beauty in the simplest of things. The world is their oyster but of course like any newborn, they have no concept of time so is vulnerable to abandonment, hunger, thirst etc because they can’t feed themselves. They’re entirely dependent on others to bring things to them.
The Teen is full of bravery, curiosity, belief and energy. On the flipside, in general like most teenagers emotions can run high and with an element of unpredictability and self-centeredness.
The Savage is what I would call raw unconsciousness. They are a force that reacts and flexes when I’m pushed to my limits. The Savage has their place inside me for moments of anger, combat, sex, ecstasy and bliss. However in bad circumstances, they can be violent, destructive and at the absolute worst criminal.
The Cold One is the absolute centre of logic. They are calculated, measured, thoughtful and precise. However like their name, they have no emotion, no understanding outside facts, figures and numbers. Emotions are irrelevant and will die on that hill no matter what you tell them.
I say this not because its anything special as archetypes similar to this have been passed down and taught for thousands of years. More so, it helped me decipher and understand myself way better through and after therapy. Remembering those personae and putting myself in the centre of it all helps me focus on what’s needed, but also what’s going on and spotting imbalances inside me. Its been helpful for identifying triggers and managing them rather than being pulled around by them.
So maybe, just maybe there are different personae inside of you that need help. Maybe you should ask them what they need. Let me know how it goes in the comments.
Until next time folks, #embraceinfinity.
